apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
