I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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