Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
