Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
