god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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