sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
