it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
