Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I intend to get homeless drunk
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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