He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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