I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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