Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
