Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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