and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
