They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
