When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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