I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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