I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
