one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Pants are for mortals
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
