is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
