There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
