Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
