I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The beer is more important than you right now.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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