from now on my penis is your penis
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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