I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
