Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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