Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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