a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
