Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
