mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
