Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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