I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
