1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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