oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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