The maid of honor just puked.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
