3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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