I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize