I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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