It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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