I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
