my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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