I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
