I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
