So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
