I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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