you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
