I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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