Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
