But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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