Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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