A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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