I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
