My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
