Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
