So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
