i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
