She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
