I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
