How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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