that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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