I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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