great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
