everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
