what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
