the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
