I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
