I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
