My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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