awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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