Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
