Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't turn off my feet"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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