Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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