How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
