my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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