i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Is it because I queefed?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
