So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize