absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
