Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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