I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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