the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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