So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
