Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
