it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
