Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
