i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There's always time for handjobs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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