i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
