There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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