Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
