my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Help. Why am I so naked?
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