i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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