trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
