I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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