Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
