I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
